Posts

The Culmination of Learning in Wilderness Seasons

This blog has been left open without an ending until I could share openly with the revelations of my life’s journey thus far.  Today, I resolve to end this blog dedicated to my three children with the revelations and experiences I have learned along the way since I became a believer in Jesus Christ as a little girl.  
Dedication:

I dedicate the entirety of this blog to my three children who have shown me how to love the moments and rejoice in all things.  Thank you to my Heavenly Father for your relentless mercy and grace.  Thank you for sending me your son Jesus as your greatest expression of mercy over my life and my children.   I am proud of each of my children for the God-designed characteristics, compassion and kindness that each of my children exhibit.  Gabriel has walked this planet with a story of adversity, but shined joy throughout all medical trauma he experienced.  I have seen the power of God’s hands over His life.   Simone is compassionate, empathic and kind that …

The Truth Within..

In February of 2009, I began to write in my blog to keep people informed.  It was consistently helpful as everyone remained aware of the most up-to-date information.  My blog continued thereafter to decompress.

It was never intended on being a place of vulnerability for me.  It became this place for me as it allowed me to safely express myself, and receive the support from everyone that encouraged my heart.  It was never a place where I cared whether I was grammatically correct as I just wanted relief.  I discovered it was a place I could release my burden of thoughts, and the surmounting emotions that made me feel like I was drowning.  I remember feeling tired, emotionally overwhelmed, and it was the last thing I wanted to do was to rehearse the traumatic experiences of our childhood cancer journey to each individual person.  My blog became the best approach to share the days of this heart wrenching journey through a parent's lens.  I never imagined that my blog would have been …

Happy 9th Birthday to my Hero on the 1st Day of Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

Today, September 1st,  is a wonderful day as I feel honoured and blessed to celebrate my son's life.  My son has walked his nine young years with a smile and bliss in his footsteps.  A life that has come with a fight unlike other children who do not fight cancer.  He has battled cancer twice, received high risk chemotherapy, cranial and full body radiation, and underwent a bone marrow transplant.  Yet, he continues to walk with a spirit of such inner beauty.  I may be the biased mother, but I can truly say with such observation that Gabriel has walked with such inner beauty and his cancer journey has only increased his inner grace, empathy, and humbleness.  He loves with words, affection and speaks of the adversities of this world with words of a wisdom beyond his years.  He is a remarkable young boy. 

Today, September 1st, is also the beginning of "National Childhood Cancer Awareness" month.  The month that I will inundate social media sites with as much awareness of …

Fragility

I look at the face of my children observing innocence and curiosity in all they do.  However, my children's eyes also hide a journey of fragility.  They have stories of loss, trauma, suffering, and fear.   These experiences have brought questions beyond their years.  I have seen the impact of this journey now that the hospital visits have become less.  My children's vocabulary is medical language and fears of serious medical concerns aligned with normal childhood infections.  I have observed anxiety and fear by questions or thoughts shared.  As a result, my children have been attending counselling to help them heal from this medical trauma.  How do we escape the pain of this journey?  We carry this journey so close to the surface, that any trigger related to childhood infections, bruising, bodily pain expels a flood of emotions.  Our family has been seeking restoration from this journey through involvement in sports, working, small getaways, and school.   This involvement con…

1,572 days I Have lived and Breathed Cancer, but...

I look at my son everyday as a brave and heroic little boy, who has journeyed for half his life to defeat cancer.  This journey was long, this journey was traumatic, this journey will never be forgotten, and will always remain as a shadow upon our family.    The question and/or comment from people "that we can put this behind us forever to be forgotten."  I must share that I wish this to be true, but this journey will forever be apart of who we are.  There are doors that remain open with potential risks from treatment.  The headaches..."is this cancer?" The bruises on any of my children... "is this cancer?"  Memory loss..."is this from cancer treatment?" Learning disabilities..."is this from cancer treatment?" Organ function/failure..."is this from cancer treatment or is it cancer?"  These questions  speak to just a few of the continued concerns.  The questions...the fear... the unpredictable future...to bear this shadow for…

My husband...on our Son's Cancer Journey

There has been many times I have wanted to express my thoughts about one person in my life who has seen me at my worse and my best during this journey.  This person is my balance, my equal, my life, and the person who picks me up when I have felt despair.  He is my soul mate.  He is my husband.

My husband is a man who is quiet and solemn.  He is a man of great thought and wisdom.    My husband is one that does not like attention, and there has been many moments that I have wanted to share much about my husband as I have posted my thoughts and emotions about this journey.  However, I have hesitated until now as I know he likes his privacy.  But, today, I want to honour my husband on this anniversary day of our son's diagnosis. 

Many people do not see my husband's true character.  He is the funniest person I know.  He makes me laugh at the most inopportune times.  He is a father that goes beyond the call of duty.  You will find my husband playing make believe, playing games, m…

As Christmas Approaches...

As December 25th approaches I remember... The very day I woke to find that the pregnancy test I bought on the 24th and tested only to find out was negative....was actually positive on Christmas day when I sensed that I should retry.  I was overjoyed.  My son...whom I love with all my being made his appearance on September 1st, 2005.

As December 25th approaches I remember... We were advised one year ago at this time that our son had relapsed.  I will forever remember the haunting knock on my office door while I was in session.  I excused myself from my client to open the door to see the horror and tears in my husbands eyes.   My husband told me "our son's cancer returned."  We were three years into our journey, with only six months left.  However, our fight was not done.  Our son's prognosis for a cure decreased, and we were advised because he relapsed in his central nervous system that we had two choices (transplant or chemotherapy).  As most know, we chose a bone ma…