Tuesday, July 17, 2012

My Prayer...

Heavenly Father, I lift my voice and my eyes to you as I ponder the unexplained process of this journey. I am called to trust you with all my heart and all my soul. You have been teaching me patience as it is not my timing, but yours. My heart aches as each day continues to be lived in the moment. I pray that these moments can become a day, a week, a month, and a year knowing that my son and my family can gain back the time we have lost. I wish that my emotions would not impede upon this journey. The emotions that cause fear, anger, and frustration. Each time I am reminded to place my son in your hands. But, it seems hard as our life is a revolving door in hospitals. I am reminded again and again to trust you Jesus to take care of my son and to lay him on the alter. It seems I am not always obedient to keep my son remaining there. It is just hard when we have a dose of time together to then be placed back in the hospital for yet another concern. Oh Lord, when I walk these hallowed halls of this transplant ward to observe the families who are suffering. My heart hurts for them, and pray for your return. I want to go to each room to love and support them. To pray and tell them that through God, "He is here to give you peace". It is such a sad place Jesus for children and their parents. I pray for all the families who need rest in you. I pray Jesus for the families who have to face the devastation of cancer once again after a transplant. I pray that your awareness of you can be known to these families. I believe you can move mountains when we have the faith to believe. The most difficult part of this journey is that we observe the suffering with our eyes and touch with our hands. It is living this suffering day and day out that causes me to be on my knees. I want to move to a time in my prayer life that I come to you with less of my family's suffering. I do grow weary as this revolving door continues. I am constantly taking hold of fear that is triggered by hearing the stories of families facing cancer and serious GVHD 100 days post-transplant. I pray Jesus this is not our story. Satan is quick to remind me that when we thought we were on the road to recovery we were hit again with cancer, so be weary to trust that this journey is done. Jesus, I have come to know that there is a spiritual warfare happening in this journey. The first scripture I learned in Sunday School when I was only 10 years old was..."wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God that he may be able to withstand in the evil days and having done all to stand" (Ephesians 6:13). I never thought this scripture from when I was ten years old would be the one that encircles my thoughts. I know the Holy Spirit is telling me to be equipped in the Word of God. Trust in the Word as God is the bearer of truth. Satan is the one that tells lies and will do whatever he can to cause me to feel defeated. I pray Jesus for protection over my mind and to place people at the right time to encourage my faith. This journey is isolating and lonely at times. I am praying that those days where this journey feels isolating that you fill me and remind me that "you will never leave me or forsake me.". Jesus, thank you for the blessings in this life you have given me. Thank you for my three beautiful children. Thank you that there is something in each day that allows me to smile. Thank you for protecting Gabriel from serious acute GVHD. Thank you for causing Gabriel's transplant to be expedited as so many people wait. Thank you that our unrelated donor was a 10/10 match. Thank you that Mike and I have remained infection free so we can care for our children. Thank you for bringing people into our lives to support and pray for us. More importantly, thank you for my salvation as one day I will come to live with you for eternity with no more suffering. In Jesus precious name, Amen

1 comment:

  1. Tina, thank you so much for continuing to post your messages on this site. I am continually encouraged, and rejoice in the strength that you have and the faith in Jesus that you share with the those who read this.

    I hope that one day I will have the opportunity to meet you and your lovely family and perhaps even get to teach one (or all) of your children.

    I believe that there is a very specific reason that your family is a part of the Northdale community. I look forward to a day when I can tell you the details about all that I have prayed about for you and the families that have been touched by leukemia through Jacob and now Gabriel. And I can't wait until Gabriel is healed, healthy and back at school ready to share his own testimony with the students at our school. He is a blessing and you are a blessing by sharing your faith (in more ways than you know). I will keep praising our heavenly Father for your ongoing trust in Him and your daily, living testimony to all who read what you write about our loving creator.

    Two of our memory verses from our church's VBS this week were:
    "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God." Isaiah 41:10
    "I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

    My family and I will be praying these verses as truth over your family this week.

    Melissa, Jeff,
    Cameron, Kayla and Gavin Jansen