A Letter to Leukemia

Dear: Leukemia,

I am not sure how to begin this letter, but to say that you have given me more pain in my life than I could have ever fathomed.  I have felt much pain, but you sure have outdone yourself.  I do not like to use the word hate, but I have often felt this way about you.   I fear you and want you to go away FOREVER.  You make my son undergo toxic chemicals and radiation in hopes that you will never return, but I still fear.  I dislike that you have caused me to constantly over-analyze my parenting so that my three children grow up to feel some normalcy in their lives and to be happy in spite of the separation you cause our family.  I hate that you don’t care about the sickness you cause my son with the medicines he takes, the painful needles, transfusions, the constant concern about washing hands, the risks from contracting infections, and not being able to play whenever he wants like a little boy. You have reduced most of my son’s life to fighting cancer.  Please go away and stay away.  Please don’t ravage my son’s body any longer now or in the future.   Please go away so that my family can be normal.

Shockingly, I also want to say thank you to you, leukemia.  I would have wanted this lesson to be reinforced in another way, but this is my journey.  I do not thank you for what you have done to my son, but what you have taught and reinforced for me.  You have taught me about what really matters in this world.   You have helped me learn to love like I have never loved before.  You have reinforced what God has been teaching me about appreciating the little things in life, to laugh at the mistakes I make, to love all people no matter their frailties as we are all imperfect.  You have reminded me to not grumble and complain about things in this world that don’t matter (food, wasted time, bad drivers, etc.…) You have created opportunities to make new friends and to grow closer to people in my life.  You have opened the opportunities to share, to inspire and to find a passion for my future.  I will fight a good fight to help those that are in despair from what you do to families. You cannot and will not cripple me.  You make me cry…a lot, but my tears are not from weakness.  You make me sad, but this sadness is not my leader.  My leader is my Heavenly Father whom brings me comfort and peace.  You have blindsided me, but you will not win.

Sincerely,

Tina Smith

 (A mom to the most amazing son)

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.